Prepare Yourself for Lasting Love

You've searched a lifetime for that special person, but how can you be absolutely certain that you've found "The One"? And more important, how can you hold on to that love for the rest of your life?

More Than a Match explores the "compatibility factor," demystifying the science behind matchmaking and giving you the tools you need to find the love you want. You'll learn how to apply the specifics of good compatibility to a prospective date or mate, as well as how to break things off when you find yourself in the wrong relationship.

But since great relationships aren't built on compatibility alone, marriage experts Michael and Amy Smalley also delve into the "forever factor," giving you the skills you need to turn your romance into a lifelong love affair. You'll learn how to deal with conflict, how to develop a healthy sex life, and how to recover when you inevitably hurt one another.

Fantastic marriages begin long before the exchange of the rings; they start when two people in search of love commit themselves to learning to how to love well... and forever. Because finding and keeping the love of your life is about much More Than a Match.

Michael: Falling in love for all the right reasons was turning out to be a real chore. Straightening up in my chair, I ran a hand through a thatch of hair and contemplated the bluish glow emanating from my PowerBook. The eight-hundred-pound gorilla in the cyber world of online dating, eHarmony.com, couldn't wait to match me with the woman of my dreams, but getting to the altar was taking some time. No sooner would I finish clicking my responses to one set of questions when another fresh set would leap before me.

"Please use the scale below to rate how well you believe each of the following words generally describes you," the screen directed. In the left-hand column, fifteen adjectives were listed, including these four:

• content
• humorous
• efficient
• perfectionist

All I had to do was click a number on a scale of 1 to 7 with 1 being "not at all" and 7 meaning "very much so." Let's see ... content ... I'm pretty contented these days. That's a 6. Humorous? People do say I'm funny. I'm going to give myself a 7. Efficient. Can't say I'm a world-record holder in that department ... better give myself a 2. Am I a perfectionist? That's an easy call-not in the least. I'll take a 1. And so it went. But after a half hour of point and click, I was only onethird of the way through eHarmony.com's self-personality test. The electronic information gathering was getting more interesting, though. On one screen page, I was asked to rate myself on another 1 to 7 scale regarding the following statements:

• "I enjoy mingling with people on social occasions."
• "I like reading everything I can about a subject."
• "I have a high desire for sexual activity."

Oh yeah, I'm a 7 on all of those! Ninety minutes later, I finished answering the last of 436 questions. I sent my completed eHarmony.com profile into cyberspace, where a massive server churned my reams of personal information for several nanoseconds, seeking to match me in twenty-nine areas of compatibility with the millions of eHarmony.com ladies in its database.

Several minutes later, some very good news was waiting for me in my in box. I had some matches! An eHarmony.com e-mail informed me that five totally foxy women were waiting to hear from me, but before I could see what they looked like or read their profiles, a little business had to be contracted: a payment of $49.95, which would give me access to eHarmony's little black book for the next month. At that point, my research was over, since I'm a married man. In addition, the knowledge that my wife, Amy, would do a "John Bobbitt" on me for following through on that step was more than enough incentive to let things go with eHarmony.com.

Amy: If you don't know who John Bobbitt is, just Google his name. I'm glad Michael wandered through the garden of online dating, though, which these days is more like the size of Central Park than a backyard plot. According to the research firm Pew Internet, 11 percent of all American, Internet-using adults-about sixteen million people-say they have gone to a dating Web site or another site where they can meet people online, making online dating one of the most lucrative Web businesses out there.1 (Unfortunately, porn is probably number one, but those revenue figures are hard to track.) In addition, men and women are meeting each other through community Web sites like MySpace.com, Friendster.com, Facebook.com, and Bebo.com, which are free services that use the Internet for communication through an interactive network of photos, chat rooms, Weblogs, and user profiles.

The more serious-minded gravitate toward online dating sites to find a perfect match rather than just a date, and some serious matching has gone on: Pew Internet said that 26 percent of American adults-fifty-three million people-have gone on a date with a person they met through a dating site. About two million Americans have met their spouses through online dating, according to a Wall Street Journal article.

The explosive rise in online dating has sparked some interesting ancillary Web sites. VerifiedPerson.com tracks age, residence, criminal record, and marital status of people you're interested in. DontDateHimGirl.com provides women with a forum-including a place to post pictures and an easy-to-use, searchable database-to share their experiences with men who have allegedly cheated. And LookBetterOnline.com lets you put your best foot-uh, face-forward by linking you with a local photographer who can provide professional, date-stamped portraits for your dating profile. Looking your best for Mr. Right or Ms. Right has swelled to a fivehundred- million dollar industry, with most of the action happening at online dating companies like eHarmony.com and Match.com as well as hundreds of rudimentary "post-a-picture" sites. Once seen as the refuge of the semi-desperate, online dating is more than a trend-it's here to stay.

Singles have discovered a brave new world where boy-meets-girl is no longer limited by the boundaries of geography. In cyberspace, a match is just a click away.